My name is Matt; I came to prison in 1997 at the age of 16, though my boyish looks made me look much younger. I was sentenced in Minnesota but was soon transferred to a new private prison in Oklahoma. It was not in long before I was raped my cellie and one of his friends, both of them had been sent to this prison to help fill it up.
The man who raped me had always been nice to me. I used to sit by myself in the dayroom tables cause I didn’t know anybody, but he was real nice and gave me canteen cause I didn’t have any money to buy anything. We used to walk the yard all the time. He invited me to his religious services, and introduced me to all of his friends. That’s when he talked me into celling up with him. I said OK, but then he started asking me questions about having sex with a guy. I said no but he kept asking me. A couple of days passed and then he said he had to talk to me about something real important so I should stay back from rec. When they called yard most of the guys in the unit left but I stayed in the dayroom watching T.V. I looked toward my cell and my cellie was waving at me telling me to come over. I noticed his friend sitting in the cell and when I walked all the way in, my cellie shut the door and just as I was gonna sit on my bed, he hit me on the back of the head with a padlock in a sock. I don’t know how long I was knocked out for but when I came to, my cellie was still on top of me raping me. I started to struggle and told him to get off me. He said to shut up or he was gonna beat me up. When my cellie was done, his friend raped me on the floor. When they were both finished they made me go take a shower.
I’ve gone through hell ever since. I don’t have no one to talk to about it. I tried to commit suicide so many times. A few of the times I almost succeeded but I was found in time. I cut my wrists and almost bled to death, but since then I would cut myself just to feel better. It may sound backwards, but it’s the only outlet I have that makes me feel better.